| I love sawzalls |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|11:14 pm] |
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| |  confused | ] |
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| | opeth | ] |
Mine eyes have crwled upon the previous entries that I have written, I certainly know that they bear no fruit. I would wish to change this. I will now Update and pray some one to read. The last date I had entered was in the begenning of febuary. It seems so long ago and yet it truely wasnt. Much has changed but then, not much has changed. I hate hate hate hate school. And hate hate hate business. I will trnafers back to evenings and work the Great ol frescos and it shall be a time that I will enjoy.
I will be done with shool in only but a weeks time! This pleases me. I would only pray that I would not think of any such book or item pertaining to school for some time. I want only swimming, canobie, fireworks gym shorts and beaters and to play a shit ton of shows. I shall make all these happen to whatever end. O Yes perhaps I forgot to mention Suspension is back together again. I may have said this but we are actually playing many shows yes thats right shows with an s. I would hope that the masses would come to support us. I often times, in my thoughts fantasize about actually getting signed and playing many many shows and even tour. I knwo these dreams are merely pipe dreams but it has never harmed any one to think of it. If it was to happen school gone work gone. To tour and have fun and all that I owuld only wish to do that. And then I would wake up hahaha. But anyways come out and support us if you can. We had played our renunioun back at the end of march and it was ok. Geoff plays bass for us and we all love him much so yay for him!
I miss adventure and adreniline. I grow no younger but I have frequented the story of danver state and other trips that I have made and I miss that rush. We have had many parties here and they have all been oh so fun and I would only wish to have more parties and have a great time with everyone. Now that the summer is upon us we will have a very fun time with cook outs we will have shoes and a slip and slide with food and other fun activities! I would only wish that people attend
I will no leve all of you. As always I tip my hat and thank all of you for reading these words and wish to see you all soon. I am confused right now about life and such so if i was to talk to you I beg you be eaqsy for I may not make much sense. Good luck to you all |
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| The greatest lovers were murderers first |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|06:57 pm] |
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At this time, if I were to say but one word to describe my overall demeanor it would be Bum. My wallet is empty, I never pretended for one moment that it flourished with riches, but I was able to live. Sadly now that is gone the well has dried up and I see no storm of currency off in that good horizon. I had swtiched to day classes thus terminationg my employment with the awesome fellos at A. pipes. I have a job fliyng planes but sadly the pay is little above minimum wage. I absolutly hate business i think its dumb. I hate school i think its dumb. I need a job all I do is look but still they seem so elusive. My ass inumb from sitting and my eyes burned from tv I wish to work, I must and it is starting to really bother me. I cry out yet there is nothing. Balls |
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| i gotta take a leak |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|12:34 am] |
Everyday I think about my grandmother and my great aunt. The two people who were my world ever since I was born. And we always as many families do had traditions. It being the holiday season and all it envoked some emotions throughout the family. Yesterday was the begenning. It was the first time My mom, sis and I really sat down and talked abotu their deaths. It was not the most entertaining of convesations but one that I feel as though we must talk about. I miss them a great deal. I am nto worried about myself but my mom and sis I dont think they have ever truely gotten over this and i dont think they ever will. Xmas is not going to be an easy holiday for them. I dont expect anyone who reads this to understand, I would expect them to relate because I am sure they have had a loved one die and if not then some day they will taste it. I guess i dont know really how to express my feelings on a mere text sheet. All that i can muster is that I miss them and I was there at the end of both of them, as difficult as it was to seem them go I am glad cause there is no other place where I would want to be then there.
For all who read this i thank you
Danc |
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| Can Life be surreal? |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|11:35 pm] |
I have, for a time longer than most would care to know trained. Not for any sort of school, event, or activity. But for soemthing that to me far surpasses any other kinds of labors that I would at a time encounter. I, of course speak of my flight training. So much time, effort and money hath befuddled into this seeming void that would be my training. I did enjoy every secondof through, I took every second that I sat in that plane to further educate myself to to attempt to be the safest and best pilot I can be. several years and 3 licenses later I sit here with an instrument commercial pilot certificate, now wondering what would I do with this? So finally after all these years I have found a Job! Yes finally not only will I not ave to pay to fly and airplane but they will pay me!!!!! this fill me with every sort of pleasure that one could feel. I recognize that this journal, as I have said in the past belongs to me, I simply pour my thoughts and feelings upon this sort of digital paper as away of venting and allwoing any interested parties to glimpse into the mania that is known as Dan. Now that I yet again explained my self I would like to take this minute or perhaps second to finally congradulate myself on the task that I hath accomplished. If any person reading this feels that I have no right or perhaps and selfish in any way to doing this then I would say to them, Why? Why can one not be pleased and proud of the work that he has struggled so hard to accomlish? So I know still that the amounts of people that read this wanes perhaps because i have not interested them enough, to that I do apologize.
I would now wish to leave you with this thought: These days have been sort of dark not only for myself but for some others who are close to me. they travers an unknown ground and I would only walk beside them and help them through even the most unstable earth. Day in and out they wonder about family and friends, and it is time like that when I am so greatfull that I have the friends that I do, and they all know who they are, even if I dont talk to them so regualarly they still are family. Anyone who has opended their door to me will always have one opened to them, for this I thank you. And I also thank you all for reading these words, if anything I would pray that my words will inspire some one in some way to set a goal and reach it. For I am Bum and if this lousy kid can reach a goal, then anyone, anyone can reach what ever they set. |
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| you take this love |
[Nov. 3rd, 2006|12:47 am] |
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| |  cold | ] |
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| | john Petrucci | ] |
Well was thinking of simply just terminating my life in the live journal world completely, i guess mainly because no one really reads but then I thought of how much of a good conduit it is for me to rain my feelings down and let it out i guess. Sometimes when it doesnt matter if people read it just the fact that you let your feelings out through which ever medium you choose is good enough so I hath chosen this one to write about my life. So lest we not begin.
I guess to title my life at this time would be busy. I have not much time nor money for anything. Pipes 40 plus hours then school full time is alot. However I am going to salem state this year and i do much enjoy it. and work is well cold wet and miserable. the house is good and halloween this year was very fun. The party was excelent and I would like to take these next few lines to thank all who attended it because most were folks who I have not seen for sometime and it is always good to see them, so as I have said you guys are always welcome here and we would love to see you. I must say even though this is a little off topic that A few weeks ago I saw decapitated. It was so so so so awesome I really am not into the whole death metal thing but they are the exception they are very tight. Suspension has been practicing a lot which pleases me I know how I have always in the past talked about the progress of SOG but I will say this we are practing and playing again and I am glad I wanna play shows but i just like playing in a band. Flying is good I got my commercial license so even though I dont like to brag or say anything I HAve to say "good job dan". because I have trained for many years and worked for it and now I am pretty much doen with my training for now and I can get a job. so with this being said i think i will now sign off. I have highlighted my major points and perhaps in some time i will update thus yet again.
Danc |
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| Here upon the shores of the sea |
[Sep. 16th, 2006|03:55 am] |
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| | crappy | ] |
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| | amon amarth | ] |
Well I can only imagine that my audience hath reached 0 more than an age ago. But i cannot blame no one but myself for my neglect of this account of my life that is my journal had been great. However I shall not fail to enter words that would show my life when I must do so, so here we shall now speak or rather I shall now speak , so lest we not continue. This is a time of confusion, excitment, and sadly enought anger. I have started at salem state college, which pleases me I am an evening student and well yes I continue to work putting those fantastic pipes together so that people will have water to drink and also other items such as that. I work 40 hours a week and at night go to school full time on top of that I fly and study lots of work.
Due to such schedueling and other things my patience has dwindled a fair amount and also People have spoke of me being a different person more anger and less happy. I do see this and if in any way that i have offended any one then I would take the time grated before me to ask fogivness for I mean not to forsake my friends. Well moving right along... My anger stems from many directions cetain ones fill me with more rage than the other. So I will not attempt to beguile you with the petty details of the situation I would only speak of the situation in brief sentences. People have said words about me that are quite untrue and I would only wish nay I shall get to the bottom of this. and This fills me with such great anger but I mustnt let it show, I must keep my wits and not fall victim to rushing and charging into my anger. I would only wish for this situation to be delt with for it would please me to know that I have overcome this for I quickly grow meary of this and I shant care for it much longer. I dont wish to have lies made up about me. I dont wish to have people tell other people how horrible of a person I am, I talk abotu no one and I would expect in return to not be talked about. the mere thought of this races through my mind and it brings my blood to a boil and i would wish for it to end soon enough. well I shall contineus this probably at a later date But I must have a noce convosation with some one kewl. |
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| Am i NOt merciful |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|08:40 pm] |
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| |  relaxed | ] |
There are some small spledors in life that along with my self everyone else in the world is privy to. Such splendors are quite simplistic almost so much that people take advantage of them and cast them away as if such a thing that would exist as gift were nothing but trash. My quite dwindled audiencewhom may look upon my words may at this time befallen on quite a bit of confusion. The sweet splendor that I speak of is simply the night. I sit here on my porch, no one stirs for 2 of my friends work and the third sleeps. I have been sitting out here for some time now. I play my guitar and just watch the traffic drive by. A single candle lights the porch it prvides little light for me yet it is enough to comfort and calm the most disagreeable of fellows. The noise of the crickets and and the quant glassy reflection of the water intoxicate me with this complete feeling of relaxation. Merely but 3 hours early I was anxious and beyond torment while studying for me comm, exam and even before that my day of work. I can say that this day was not spent in vaine, I have fufilled everybit of sunlight and accomplished all I set out to do for this day. Now i sit to the songs of the night and let the crickets and the gsxrs along the small dance of the candle flame bring me to a rather swell place. I have spent to ong this day cursing peoples names and cursing myself and my surroundings, I feel that for this night (or what remains of it) i shall drink up the sensations of this night and let myself get drunk of what ever the nihgt may hold to me.
Alone, what does this mean? Am I alone? I tell you I am certainly not alone I have freidns and family who love me and I in turn love them with my heart as well. But Why do poepl cling and become almost paralyzed when the are threatend with the fact that they must face even the most simply tasks alone. I often times rather enjoy solitude to the company of others. I must confess for most acticivties I would rather 1 or several companions, but my appriciation for my solitude goes un noticed, for it is here where I think of everything. True a gain no advice but I do recognize a lot about myself and others, I some times lear more from my self that talking ot over with anyone. This night I am alone. Like I say earlier not alone in the sense that no one is here for me, but alone in the fact the I physicall sit here in utter solitude, I have my thoughts and for this night that is all i need. So I suppose if any one out there keeps an account on my life and dare I say would have any intrest in any word that passes my lips then I would suggest that you take time and drink in your surrondings and do it in solitude. I find it intoxicating. Now food calls my name and I will answer.
fin |
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| hmm I sigh ... a lot |
[May. 30th, 2006|08:18 pm] |
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| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lord of the rings soundtrack | ] |
For too long these days of our so called freedom which some may call summer I have felt rather uneasy, perheps even apprehensive, nervous, anxious worried and maybe even a little empty. I try to figure our what makes these feelings sit with me I can think of many reasons of of them being the overwheling thourhg ans pressure that I must complete my commercial liscense before july, or perhaps it is this impending ddom on our house to whatever end we see will be tying we sell it we go home and thus ends a rather fun chapter to our lives conversly if it is not sold we are kicked out and my mother loses lots of time and money, Oh did i not fail to mention that this house must be sold on a deadline? well that is i believe the end of july. Hmm what else makes me uneasy. Well to say that I cannot complain about work i would certainly be lying, Because that actually goes well I mean I work full time, I got a raise, and I work with awesome people. But sometimes with these awesome people it can become very tense and stressful, we work 10 hours which lev es little time for my studying which is not a good thing. What else hmmm. Oh yes. Well I have never considered my self a talented or well rounded musician, I have always thought of myself as a rather mediocre guitarist and simplistic drummer. So for we to say that I feel as tough I am wasting my talents not playing in any such band would be less than the truth, however I do miss the entire feeling and atmosphere of being in a band i cannot lie about that. I feel that when I write music I write it for no purpose, I try to convince myself that I shoudl write for myself and all of that fun stuff but I still just run to the same dead end. I know I am not a great writer but it has always made me feel some what accomplished to share one of my creations with some one else and it would make this tired old soul feel even better if that indivdual who indulged in my music to enjoy it as much as I. I miss it, I miss setting up shows I miss hanging out as a band, I miss those summer night outside the hall waiting to play. Perhaps that is just the way these things are, can I do nothing? Nay I know there are other bands but I for some reson doubt they would need/ want me, So i guess i must be content with writing in my celler. Perhaps some day when I am but no more than a spec of dust buried beneath the earth. And the radiation from the holocaust is over and civilization starts again maybe some pioneers of their time with find my tapes and some how find a working cassette player and these riffs will be the great music of their time? Its a little thin. But no one reads my shit anyways so i care not. I must confess as I have confessed in the past that writing these words even if no eyes look upon it, it, to some extent makes me feel at ease and content on for but a brief period but I can be no more than pleased with this feeling. There is always something else that makes me feel uneasy but I can never quite place what it is o yes it is this. in only but a few months I must be attending a new school, salem state to be exact so now I must go through that process but another time so that is weighty on me mind. But I guess this is life. I only pray that if some one reads this open forum that dont take me for someone who enjoys to complain about every simple thing in life, for I can tell you with steadfast feelings that I in kno way do that, I would feel much for comfortable calling it venting. For I believe that every human must do it at some point. Well thus concludes our journey for this night I feel some what relived speaking these words with whoevers eyes would look upon them. I do apologize for macarbe entry and that I have no amusing anicdotes for my aduience but perhaps in the future I will have something that when people would hear it they will giggle to themsleves and they may even connect to what I say. But, sadly, it is not this day.
I want a tattoo kind of. I wont get one but If i didnt care about what I wanted to do when i grow up (pilot, they look down upon them.) then I beleieve I woukd get one a lotr one i have ideas that brew in my head but none that are worthy of speaking yet. in due time
I wish all prosperous days and lazy days during the months of summer.
Dan |
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| water water water water water toothbrush! water water |
[May. 22nd, 2006|07:56 pm] |
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| | hungry | ] |
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| | deftones | ] |
well the flood waters hath waned to the point where life may flourish once again noah and his animals may spread their seed once again. But during such wrath from the heavens four gentleman live currently reside on western ave lynn mass have got their share of water in fact the even got some of the ponds share of water. At its peak in our back yard the water was easily 4.5 feet maybe even more. And in the downstairs it rose to about two feet, however we tried our best to keep the water at bay alast our efforts were futile and there was just so much water. and yes it went into my room about 6 inches worth was in my room and just all over. I maved everything upstairs and spent a week on the couch which did suck cause everyone kept runnong through and everything but i mean i got to bed early it wasnt too bad and the couch is wicked fucking comfortable. But we aqll tried our best to dry everything quick and keep the smell from growing beyond any ones control and i believe that we did do a fair job. so Now I am back in my room and the smeel isnt nearly as bad as it could have been. BUt now i am afriad it is off to get some salem willows if they are open but i think they will be. but then again it is getting late. So why am I still talking on this computer? maybe I just feel as though i shold fill up the spce, or maybe cause i like listening to the deftones, but what ever the reason may be i will now take my leave because methinks that my belly grows hungry for food and the lord of the rings. |
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| Another endless day |
[Apr. 27th, 2006|11:01 am] |
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| | depressed | ] |
Ah yes another seemingly meanigless day just like all the others in the good old life of dan. I sit here bored, waiting for the next class. I sometimes find myself thinking of just everything that has been going on. I only wonder, Am I blowing things out of proportion? Do I cry for attention? I must not let myself and others feel this way. They are my problems why burden others? There are people who would simply laugh at my misfortunes when compared to them. This month has been very taxing on both myself and more importantly my family. Nothing has gone right, I sort of laugh when I think of it because it is every little thing from my car not starting in the morning to losing my keys, missing watching silent hill with nick, twice (which btw was excelent I will get into that in a bit.) school training. I suppose you kinda of have to be in my shoes to know whats going on not to suggest that who ever reads this has not an idea of what it is like to be stressed. I am still very upset and angry over certain things, naturally but in due time things hopefully will sort them selves out. I just figure with the new month emerging perhaps I shall put april behind me and start fresh already there is the walk for hunger and also I am finishing school. So it is porbable that it could go better. SIGH. Well I shant burden thee with my trivial matters Lest we not move onto something a little more pleasing.
Silent Hill. Back during the years from 1999 to around now I have played those games religously. There are few games that I take seriously and really want to believe and stand for them, they are more to me than just a game, they are memories. Silent hill is certainly amoung them For years NIck and I have referenced and connotated this game in real life situations. We have enjoyed it for years. It has influenced us and sort of gave us respect for places like Danvers state and winter Island, I know it is abstract to think of but perhaps it may very well be our subconsciouns desiring a like experience from like silent hill. Well, as I am sure we all know the movie was released just last week and I was privliged enough to see it with some one very close and special. But not nick which sucked. But lest we not move on? When I first caught word of the movie I was both excited and worried for in the past it has been known that hollywood will butcher games that have been set to movies some being super mario brothers, Doom,and FIRST resident evil just to name a few. So I will admit that I was on the pessimistic side of this being good. I set my standards very high. Then I saw screen shots of the movie It was a mixed bag because some did look cheesy however they did also look good. Then came the teaser, then trailer I will admit I was more excited than nervous finally I saw it, and it delivered. The game was not good because it was challenging, or the grphics were good, or the character development was impressive (although all of these things are very very true). But the game was good because of the sounds. They would be placed in perfect places to make the player anxious or scared. with the movie they captured it perfectly. Another thing in the game was originality, This game is the only game that actually scared me. And for a video game to actually be scary to any one is impressive. The movie followed a sort of different plot but based on the same idea as the game however they executed it perfectly and they also used alot of the same screen shots and atmopheres as the game for example in the begenning of the first one when harry gets attacked by the little chlidren with scalpels and he sees they guy crusified with his guts everywhere, that was the same as the movie and when harry runs down the ally and shows the cornor shot also the same. The only real probelm I had with it was the religious fanatics, I found that to be a little cheesy and kind of lame. All the characters were similar and evil silent hill was perfect right down to the rain. Now I will leave you with perhaps the best part of the movie that when I saw it I radiated with with pleasure, and that Is... Pyramid Head! and with that I will leave you
I must thank all that read this forum for putting up with and dealing with all of my shit, I promise things will improve in time, it shall heal all.
And did you know that steven hawkins developed a theory that can allow people to travel forward in time but not backwards. |
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| A chance to breathe |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|06:16 pm] |
Well i Suppose my monthly to bi-monthly update has come. And unfotunatly there is a great many things to write about this evening that are of an unpleasant nature. where to start... Well let us just start with my general feelings as of right now, the feeling of sadness, remorse and even of guilt swims through my mind however, feelings of anger and rage also dance through my head as well and we shall get into this later.
It feels that this month is perhaps not one of the better ones of my lifea great many and stressful item hath befallen me this very month. Money its a drag... yes I have none my card has been declined twoce because I have no money, I cannot afford gas nor can I afford to eat, I am very underpaid even thoug I work a ton and the little money I do get goes right to rent or other people whom I owe it to. For example I went to 711 to buy but three small items for lunch and my card was declined Its very frustrating when this happens and I wish I could feel positive about it but it is very hard. There is no other job i would rather have than doing pipes, I love it every day, and everyday I do it it makes me feel prooud that I am building something that other people will use for years to come and everysprinkler pipe that I put up I know that it could one day save someones life, I love the fact that I am learning and that there is something I am producing I work with some of the best people ever and i wouldnt trade them for anyone. However I may be forced to fund a new job because I am being so under paid and this upsets me but unfortuantly at this time money is the issue.
Ah yes school. Well I need not dwell to intesly on this subject because those who read it and also those who are in school know full well what I mean when I say that it is stressful.
We move on now to the rage section. Now just the thought of the very words that I will wirte fill me with rage so part of me wants to write this all nice like and the other part says who cares, I will opt for the "who cares" part. so here we go...
This is what I feel and what I know is true. Recelntly as many of you know I played in a band with a name so ridiculous I wish not to ment the name (ydn) When asked what band I play in by others I looked at them and said we have no name but we are working on one because it is so embarrasing to repeat. Not my choice but I was ignored as usual and overruled thus that is the name that we have today. Now This band I am no longer a part of. I left this band not because I didnt like playingin it in fact it was the exact opposite, I enjoyed every second of itand on my long wensdays it was the only thing I looked forward to between work and school, I enjoyed the company of my former band mates and I loved playing shows. So why would I leave might someone ask? Well this descision did not come easy i though not for long only a few days and it may have been because I was going through some difficult times and also because of the lack of respect and appreciation i was shown if i am part of the band then why coose recording dates with out me knowing? and wouldnt band mates stick up for each other? well one might think so but not in this band. Well this actually hurt me a great deal but I am a forgiving person so I shall not dwell on those things and I am easy going enough to say hey it was a bad week I was fuct up you knwo blah blah blah. And those were actually my intentions then when I told the singer who I was very eryiends with several years before he looked at me said some bullshit and ignored me the entire night, then finally when the night was over I decided to not have this blood between us and I would go over to his car that he was sitting in I chose to reconcile and perhaps even talk, not as band mates but as friends however he decided it was better to just be ignore me further and say things like "yeh I know whats goin on dont worry, yep yep yep" and then proceeded to drive off. Now some one I had been friends with before even strating anysuch band for many years does this it hurt me a great deal the complete lack of disrespect and if he thinks for one fucking second that I am goin to come crwling back asking him to go back into my band hes got another thing coming, no fucken way. I have done everything for this kid. I helped him move in, built him a wall in his room for free, drove him everywhere you think of it I have done it. thats outside of this band. It was later brought to my attention that he said I was lazy and didnt care about the band, Well upon hearing this it filled me with this rage I was insulted, well then try getting up at 5 am working all day skipping lunch to leave early so I can make it to practice going home not changing or eating but just getting your guitar and then leaving while your other guitar player is just sitting around arriving before him and being ready to play, yeh real fucking lazy then when we do play who is the one that stands in front of the drums ready to teach or play, who is the one that would always have a new riff to play if we had nothing to do? who was the one that always sat quietly trying to get everyones attention so we can play while everyone else fucked around, when the band first started who let you practice at my house? who let you use the drums when ever you wanted? All these things were fucking ME no one else ME So he has the gaul to say these things take a fucking look at your self and the big picture first before you start going and assuming these things cause there is one truth and I fucking speak it right now here to any one who would read. Its fucking you who should apologize to me! But I amnot one to hold a grudge all he has to do is talk to me not as any band mate but as a friend first then I will forget all but until that day comes this friend is dead to me for I shall not do it to him never. So i suppose if your intentions are to just not talk then Good luck to you but at least know how insulted and mad I am before you make this decision think about what I have done and not what is good for you or how you feel but you know what there is not one way you can defend yourself cause you know the veryt truth as well as I so have fun buddy.
Finally we move onto the sadness portion of this entry, Just tuesday I lost my grandmother so one who had been at my side the very moment I was born and some one whose hand I held at the very hour of her death. Just nine months ago we all lost hger sister whom I wrote of in an earlier entry. These two women taught me to be the way I am today, and I would say that these ladies did a damn good job. She had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks before and I was there. I say her draw her last breathe and after I knew that life with out these two women wouldn be very different. And so far it has I think about the both of them everyday, I think about what the taught me and how I will use it to respect them. I know they will be with me forever and one day I will meet them again. I only hope that they proud of me and my family when they went and I believe they were. I dont expect anyone to understand how I feel but i am sure you may be able to relate, Some of my best memories are of the fam and them sitting around the table talking eating and laughing, we joked about everything, the both protected me and prepared me for life it may sound corny but it is true. Knowing that they are gone makes everything so trivial to the band, my problems with money everything. So Yes I am sad and yes I miss them a great deal and with both of them gone with suc a short distance between them I dont know what I will do, I worry about my sister and mother for there closness was very great too and I know that they will feel stress. So the best I will do if miss then, honor them, and help out the fam every way I can. I shall live live for them because they supported me through every problem I had and I only pray that I have the strenght to do it alone. I love you both and you will be missed
With these subtle words I will leave you and I only hope that whoever reads this can gain some understanding with how I feel. thank you
Dac |
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| tonight we dance for tomorrow they release the dogs |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|02:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sheol | ] |
Ah yes another year floats by as quick as anything else and yes today I am but a year older. 21, but it seems that I should be bursting with excitment however i feel quite the opposite, I am not excited I actually feel rather sad knowing that my age is increasing and yet i remain here. I am getting older and am I doing everyhting in my life that I Possibly can? because soon I will be very old and have to abandon the old chilish lifestyle and become a grown up and enter the droll life of living everyday the saem as the last, and dare I say it have a family then my fate is sealed, I hold no excitment for the future it seems that it is almost a horrible fate that I cannot escape. Last year I was sad becuase almost no one rembered my birthday and it found it sad but the ones that did were great. But this year was pretty much the same as last, my mother is away on vacation, I got no cake and today I worked and have class all night soso this nihgt means nothing. I have but little to look forward to these coming days. school and work that is life as usual. Well now I have vented my crap enough to pretty mush myself because methinks that no one reads this hardly at all. Once in a while I believe a vent is in order. Well i am off but before I leave this place I must another question that has been troubling me however i will ask it but i shall not go into detail my thoughts of this, I will simply state the question and know that this is how I feel.
Do ever feel that no matter what u do every one can do it 10x better than u, even things that u pride yourself in doing people can still oust your performance? |
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| Lord of the Rings |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
I believe it was friday, yes that was the day. I was struggling through the droll monotony of my job which a large majority if the time is rather fun and exciting how ever at this pticular moment it was in fact boring. But anyways i was trucking through the day and for some reason i stopped so urgently and found my self overcome with such a profound sense of guilt that it nearly weakend my hands to a point that the wrench i held almost fell. And this feeling of guilt was more of a memory of me being neglegent well i suppose not so much neglagent as it is not fully understanding or accepting the situation for what ever reason the human pysche may permit. This guilt that I felt was from my late Great Aunt an extraordinarly close and inspirational person to myself and the rest of my family. The night she died was on july 28th the very same nihgt that i had explored Danvers and that was my highlight of the summer with those two event happening literally with in minutes of each other. However i was quick to mention both events but i merely grazed upon my aunts passing. And thinking of how her death has effected and changed our lives in such a drastic way i felt only guilt for not addressing this in such a public forum (however even though this forum is for any ones eyes no one reads it so it is not that public.)So this shall be my forum and I will didicate this entry to her because I wish to remeber her as well as I can. the very second she died it triggered a set of events that would change everythign in our lives for ever. We will never enjoy her ocmpany again, nor her cooking, antics, advise, generosity,kindness, charm, and we will never again experience our traditions from holidays to regular visits, from the familys large loud discussions to just watching tv with everyone. She is a person Who i will miss a great deal and whose very absense has shook the very foundations of our traditions. However, I must look up and ahead if not in her name then in mine, We must now make new traditions ones without her but that is not to say she is not there, she will forever be in out memories and I cannot think of a bad memory of her, and knowing that I feel content that she has done acceptionally well here.
I will miss you always...
Dan |
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| you die now can touch mc hammer |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|10:22 pm] |
i feel as though my live journal is is of the equvilence of the cleveland indians from major league... no one looks at it, but i do not care.
Life = OK
school started kinda sux a lot but i gotta do it.
Working with fresco is fun however i do not like getting up at 500 that paoins me a lot
finishing up with work at the airport
oddly enough i think i will miss it. In fact i am rather melanchoy about this. even though they treated me like shit i must confess that I will miss the airplanes, action and lots and lots and lots of people. but i guess this closes one chapter in the life of dan.
i wish i had an interesting story how ever i do not. But i had a good one but i forgot about it.haha
not very interestig tonight
im tired i gotta work and i shall sleep night my friends. |
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| If i could own a monkey his name would be MR. Bananas |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|09:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | billy joel | ] |
Well how does every one do. some new in the life of Dan... not really life but i guess one could say it more like an Era.
First I quit my job, i am bidding the airport farewell. Iam gonna work with fresco doing pipes. This pleases me a good deal.
I have been thinking for a while... a long while not about school or work or living in lynn or flying. I have given lots of thought to these in the past and they just keep goin on the way they are. But the more i think about this one thing the more i guess you could say it upsets me in all directions, and that is the scene. I have grown to hate something that i have embraced for many many years, and as much as I want to sort of resurrect those good old feeling with them I cannot. there is so much wrong with it i cant even believe it. I know its not that big of a deal to the common person who reads this but the whole scene really is kind of sad. I can find not an honorable perosn amoung them. Im not targeting this to the people that i am freinds with or individuals but as the group in its mass. the friends that i have in the scene are not my frends because they are scene but its because I actually can look beyond that and see them them as different poeple. and these people know who they are I can say its pretty much every one who reads this journal and everyone who has helped me in any way. So that list is not too long. But why have i grown such animosity for such a clique. I guess because maybe I have grown out of the pointless gossip about that rumors around or the false stories that every one tells or the labels that people recieve, or dare i say, the stories of how these people find it "tough" to dance and purposfully run and smash some one in the face and laugh at the bloodied victim for it and when that person stands up to them then all that there friends jump in and beat him down. The mere fact that they consider themselves "tough" if just ridiculous. Of course i am not saying that everyone does this nor an i saying that everyone agrees with this, but i have been to enough shows to this happen over and over again so naturally one can suggest and accuse the general populous of the scene to be guilty of some of all of these acts mentioned above. Just thinking about this really is upsetting. For i remebebr when shows were fun. I even remeber when places like the VFW and Elks would allow shows, but now they dont because these "kids" have gained reputations because they feel the need to destroy the venue, where ever it may be. It is humorous because after the destruction of the venue it is ruined for all the other bands and people wonder why there arnt ayplaces to play shows. Now by writing these words I am not trying to sway anyones opinion, I am just simply stating how I have been feeling for a long time now. and part of me does feel remorse because those scene days were good to me however it has gone absolutly out of control. I will never stop loving the music or playing it, but i will put foth no effort to try and be scene. Like i said i am not targeting any people because i do have some very close friends who are into this and they know who they are.
Well i reckon this is all i have to say.
but i suppose it doesnt even matter what i say cause no one reads the god damned thing anyway. but thats kewl like I said its more of an account for me than anyone else I still read all my old ass journal entries and i must say that my second semester of college was certainly some of the most fun times of my life the good old B and E days. which brings me to some tragic news... A little bird tells me that they started tearing down danvers state :( just a small parts but i will believe it when the place is leveled... I got in hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha mission accomplished.
Dan |
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| i gotta catch some zzzzzzzzzzz |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|07:07 pm] |
Back working with AFI. It is very sweet. I woke up at 500 to go to work, it was still dark out. i started working at 600, it was still dark out. Not used to it at all, however i shall get used to it this new excitment is overwhelming me cause it is very fun to work with all the frescos.
Now won't we move?
I have not much to say. so i will go good bye |
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| It feels sooo good hen you stretch your legs |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|09:44 am] |
I have been meanign to keep a closer account on our habitaion of the house of Lynn. More so for my records however I post to the public therefore they are everyones records. I shall now account for the time we have eben there. Not much has happend for between school and work he dont ususally see each other until the very end of the day, this is however pleasing because we do not tear at each others throats. The nights have grwn far later than I would have liked for my bed time last night wasnt until but 200 in the morning, and having to get up at 730 is not a pleasing thing to do. it is worth it. I do miss reading to some extent, My house was always good and I have never lived away from home before, but I certianly do not miss it to the point where I would move back. Time seems to work against us however today i sit in perpetual exctment marinating the fact that it is my last day of class, the very idea intoxicates me. Now with school laying dormant for several weeks we shall commence the fun and adventure the a house such as this call upon us. lest we move from the house now.
The band, Confusion as always, I wish to pursue this however schedueles seem to work against our very ideas. I know not of this.
so as I have become a big fan of the +/- list I shall not list the aspects of my life that would fall to suych a catagory.
+the house
-work
-weather
+last day of classes
+xmas
-xmas shopping
-gotta work xmas eve and xmas
+new years party (around new years)
+the warriors
+got a new sweatshirt
-no money
-the winter is cold and bitter
-I long for a swim
+the res
-it is ice now
+ice skating and hockey
-no one plays
that is all good by |
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| We are in Son |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|08:26 pm] |
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the day is sunday, I sit in front of the tv with nick and nate and we watch tv in our house in lynn. relax time after work and tomorrow work and school. its so sweet. i never actually thought that we would ever move in but we did and it feels greatso I am pleased well i gotta go its great good bye friends |
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| 0053re/pd |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|10:47 am] |
I was reading my last entry. And this is more for me than you but since everyone can read this journal i though i would get it out there so we can alll be a part of this. I am just very proud of that entry. I beleive it represents me well on how i feel about such attire. But anyways let us move on. I saw some crazy asian braod get arrested at the airport last night. Funny story, I was out side chillen while some fellow coworkers were smoking butts and this women approached me and says to me in very broken english, "can you talk to this person and tell him where I am?" No sooner did the words leave her mouth than a cell phone was thrust into my face so, being the kind southern gentleman that I am i felt obliged to take the troubled out of towners call. I was expecting to not be able to understand what the person was saying but i could understand him verywell. He asked me where I was and I told him downstairs at terminal E. He then gave me thanks and I handed the cell back to the lady. Soon after no more than but 5 minutes a see not one or 2 but three statecops surround her and they were right there but 5 feet from where we were confiding. So naturally I watched like a Gosh Hawk. she refused to surrender her passport of ID or something like that so the kept demanding and then the police went to take it and she resisted and pushed her away, so the other officers subdued her and cuffed her. Then i overheard one of the saying something about how she has been out here all day doing this so I wonder what it was. So the cuffed and shamed women was standing there and she was searched and her husband showed up and took her effects and then the police car showed up and took her away! Oh! what a great time that was.hahahahaha well lest we move on...
I Sit here doing nothing right now bored.
I am excited about the moooovvveeeeee kehd.
Ok well if I get more thunder I will write it but until that day comes I shall be content with the words that i have written now. And Joe if you read this we need to get back in the ydn game.
Dracula |
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